Category: Podcast

KELLY KURLBAUM is this week’s special guest, someone who knows me better than anyone else – my faithful friend and amazing wife.

I have known Kelly for 19 years and been married to her for 13. We have two amazing girls Rowan and Leyton who make us the family I have always hoped for. Kelly and I moved to Boston in 2011 for a two year graduate school run, but ending up loving it here and we never left.

Kelly inspires those around her with her sage advice, honest perspective, and beautiful vulnerability which fills her words with meaning and love. She not only manages multiple complex projects for her work, but manages to find better balance than most people I know. Family and work compete for her attention, but she never let’s them intersect. One is always in focus while the other is out of frame.

Kelly is someone who astonishes you with how she lives. She has shown me that wisdom moves beyond words, and becomes a wisdom that is lived – in her actions and how she engages the world. Kelly is someone who cares as deeply as she loves. And someone who people are drawn to because of her approach, her belief, and her perspective. She is the friend we all wish we had the one I am thankful to call my wife.

Here is Kelly Kurlbaum and her lesson – You Are Enough.

Let’s see what she can teach us. – HERE WE GO.

Why Women Still Can’t Have It All – Anne-Marie Slaughter

The Orange Line – A Woman’s Guide to Integrating Career, Family, and Life

Drop the Ball – Tiffany Dufu

https://medium.com/swlh/what-does-you-are-enough-mean-e166d47b0673

TYLER AND ALYSSA THOMPSON are two very special guests that inaugurate our first ever couple show. 

Alyssa is a dear friend who is thoughtful, funny, loving, and driven.

Tyler is (just as funny and) an avid Carolina fan, a Virginia Tech Alum, a talented Architect, a father, and a stroke survivor.

I have known these two since we moved to Boston in 2011. For almost ten years we have become like family to one another. Of course, we have a lot in common – all great friends do – we love pop music and dancing, laughing, British accents, and endless sarcasm. The Thompson’s are a couple that you meet and want to hang out with the next night. These are simply good people with strong hearts and a hopeful spirits.

In January of 2019, Tyler and Alyssa went to run a morning errand when Tyler suffered a massive stroke. For a time, we were not sure if Tyler would make it – it was that serious. For weeks, Tyler fought and fought – endless days and nights in hospitals and rehab. But the most amazing thing happened during this time. A groundswell of people came around them with love, support, generosity and encouragement unlike I have ever seen. Former NBA players, College coaches, Friends, Relatives, Friends of friends of friends of friends all came together to raise money that would begin to offset Tyler’s lost salary. A beautiful act of humanity.  

Of course that is not the end of their story – really only the new beginning. Tyler and Alyssa live with their son Arlo in Waltham, MA. They have found their new life together to be a series of continuous adjustments, however Tyler’s recovery and Alyssa’s strength continue to remind us all that with a powerful community anything is possible. There are certainly hard days and difficulties, but Tyler and Alyssa continue to flourish and find hope and belief not only because they are courageous and brave, but because of the support of their neighbors, family, and friends around them.

Here is Tyler and Alyssa Thompson and their lessons

Ask for Help and Lend a Hand, let’s see what he can teach us. – HERE WE GO.

Einstein Quote

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/16909-only-a-life-lived-for-others-is-a-life-worthwhile

Emerson Quote

https://www.forbes.com/quotes/7810/#:~:text=Quotes%20Thoughts%20On%20The%20Business%20Of%20Life&text=It%20is%20one%20of%20the%20most%20beautiful%20compensations%20of%20this,help%20another%20without%20helping%20himself.

Morgan Harper Nichols

https://morganharpernichols.com/

PASTOR STEPHEN NYAKAIRU is a Faith Leader, Activist, Volunteer, and Community Advocate.

I have known Stephen for a few years now and have developed a deep kinship over our love of the Enneagram, reading, and podcasts. He also happens to be our Location Pastor for Grace Chapel in Watertown. His story, life, and mission will inevitably inspire you to loving and caring for others. He inspires action, growth, and purpose.

Pastor Stephen is someone who calls you consistently and cares for you abundantly. He is generous with his time and always brings a considerate and grace-filled spirit to every encounter. He has always struck me as someone who loves life and that despite any hardship or struggle he find optimism and energy to love others. He is present regardless of circumstance and shares his life with others – to inspire faith, hope, and love in everyone he meets.

Pastor Stephen finds meaning and significance in all things – everything matters to him. What makes him most compelling to me is that he practices what he preaches. He lives wide open, making a way for people of all backgrounds to find a sense of belonging and renewal.

Stephen believes in the power of community and they believe in him – his congregation relies on his unmistakable presence, his unquestionable devotion, and his immense desire for all people to know God’s love.

Here is Pastor Stephen Nyakairu and his lesson, Love one Another, let’s see what he can teach us. – HERE WE GO.

Book Review – One Long River of Song – Brian Doyle:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/03/books/review/one-long-river-of-song-brian-doyle.html

Thomas Merton – New Seeds of Contemplation

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1145854.New_Seeds_of_Contemplation

Grace Chapel – Watertown Campus

https://www.grace.org/watertown/

Topic of Slowness:

In Other Words – Jhumpa Lahiri, Ann Goldstein

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25614298-in-other-words#:~:text=eloquent%20nonfiction%20debut-,In%20Other%20Words%20is%20at%20heart%20a%20love%20story%E2%80%94of,trip%20to%20Florence%20after%20college.

Topic of Seasons:

When the Moon was Ours – Ann-Marie Macklemore

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28220826

How it Went Down – Kekla Magoon

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20517379-how-it-went-down?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=iPsX6aCKYx&rank=1

Topic of Synthesis:

In the Dream House – Carmen Maria Machado

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43317482-in-the-dream-house?ac=1&from_search=true&qid=mtYX9UBTL5&rank=1

Virgin: Poetry – Analicia Sotelo

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35377145-virgin?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=24OxGztRFI&rank=1

Good Talk – Mira Jacob

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36700347-good-talk?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=K7hmo3v49b&rank=1

Tod Williams/ Billie Tsien Essay “On Slowness”

http://www.twbta.com/3031

Commonplace Books:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commonplace_book

https://ryanholiday.net/how-and-why-to-keep-a-commonplace-book/

http://www.lindyvega.com/about

This week we have one of my very good friends Lindy Parker Vega.

I met Lindy and her husband Javy through our church and immediately found that Kelly and I adored them. Lindy is a brilliant writer who loves books. Today Lindy has a job where she writes, read things, and talks about them…a perfect fit. Her and her husband Javy live with their son Kobe in Sayulita, Mexico and run a restaurant called Alquismista.

Lindy’s story is one of endurance, patience, gratitude, and slowness. When you read her writing you will find yourself immersed completely in the stories she tells. She describes her characters with personas which she takes on– characters that defy first impressions and easy definitions, characters who are funny and smart and unsure, characters who have the audacity to want things, characters who push walls that need to come down.  

Lindy is an immensely wise person. Life has made her that way. Her intellectual formation is not easy to see at first or simple to define – just like the characters she wishes to construct. However, one conversation with her and you know you are in the presence of someone who understands life and knows it well. Lindy seems to extract the marrow out of every circumstance a confident person with durable joy.”

House of Equanimity

https://www.archdaily.com/53585/house-equanimity-joseph-biondo

House Equanimity: Joseph N. Biondo (Masterpiece Series)

Marfa, Texas

https://chinati.org/collection/donald-judd/

Bohlin Cywinski Jackson

https://www.bcj.com/

Todd Henry – Most Valuable Land in the World

https://learningleader.com/toddhenry394/

Mary Oliver – Building a House

https://shenandoahliterary.org/blog/2016/03/building-the-house-by-mary-oliver/

Steven Pressfield – War of Art

The War of Art

This week we have one of my former teachers – a great architect and mentor who I now can call a friend Joe Biondo. Joe is joining us to talk about his lesson “Empty Your Tank”.

I met Joe as a 4^th year architecture student, he was my professor. At the time, I knew very little about his background or his amazing talent to teach and inspire, design and mentor. I suppose the best teachers are usually like that – their most profound lessons happen long after the course has ended. Somehow during our short time together, Joe impressed an idea about Architecture that was interwoven with something much deeper. Joe talked about Architecture and life interchangeably – as if to cultivate a passion within us to give our best to the world.  

After that studio, Joe continued to build beautiful buildings across a Post-Industrial Pennsylvania landscape. And I began to trace his footsteps in my own career – working at Bohlin Cywinski Jackson the same place he started over a decade before. Joe practices in Bethlehem PA – a place defined by its industrial history and legacy of its namesake Steel company. His built work as a sole practitioner is a collection of handsome, timeless, well-crafted, and site-specific works – each with their own story and material narrative. In 2009, he completed perhaps his more enduring and profound work – his own home called the “house of equanimity”. A multi-year project concluded with a dwelling so magnificent that it was given its own monograph in 2018.

Joe is someone who is gifted beyond measure but would never let you know it. He is kind and generous, thoughtful and determined.

Beyond his amazing ability to design, is his insatiable wisdom, something that continues resonate with me. I will never forget the day he asked our class “how do you want to be remembered?” A question that still rattles around in my soul.

Joe has a way of leading you down the right path, but seldom giving you the answer. I guess that is the genius of the sage – showing you where the water is, but knowing you have to make the journey to drink it.

Here are the show notes and references from Episode 01:03 with Quinn Neidig:

Spotify Podcast

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2gxscHrSxO1QxqG0ym3Nd2?si=Zv1VDwYDQueskrGaLBTeQw

Apple Podcast

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/01-03-wear-elastic-waistbands/id1548319832?i=1000509144450

Learn more about Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy – Know SUDEP Now:

http://knowsudepnow.org/

Dr. Kristen Neff – Self Compassion Research – University of Texas at Austin.

https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/

Brene Brown – Embracing Vulnerability Talk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO6n9HmG0qM

Wendell Berry poem from This Day: Sabbath Poems 1979-2013

https://betterlivingthroughbeowulf.com/carrying-a-candle-against-the-wind/

Mira Simone IG feed (@newmoonmira) – the writing shared by Quinn during the show:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CK63EkAsVxP/

Follow Quinn on Instagram at:

@quinnneidig and @whatgriefmaycome

This week we have a very special friend of mine Quinn Neidig joining us to talk about her lesson “Wear Elastic Waistbands” – before you think this is about Pandemic Fashion trends – please listen to the beautiful metaphor unfold – about acceptance and the beauty of vulnerability. This is a very special show.

My wife and I met Quinn and her husband Joe  11 years ago in New York City diner. We attended the same church and cemented our friendship over a mid summer brunch in Union Square. We quickly found many similar interests and friends that we would share our lives with to this day.

We have been each other’s family.

Quinn is a High School Spanish teacher in the NYC Department of Education. Her investment into countless students over the past 10+ years has shown a relentless passion and an unyielding belief in each and every student she teaches.

In July of 2019, an unspeakable tragedy struck her family which is beyond any parents’ worst nightmare. Her son Marshall had a seizure in his sleep and died of Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy (SUDEP) – he had just turned two years old.

She shares her grief writing and often hashtags “normalize grief” as a way to make unspeakable loss, speak-able again. To give the grieving a voice in a world of carefully curated Social Media feeds.

During Marshall’s eulogy I asked “he may have been so young, but didn’t he teach us so much?”

Like her son, Quinn is someone who has something to teach all of us.

Someone who cares deeply for her family, her friends and her students

She is a person of endless grace, profound courage, and unimaginable wisdom.

Her grief writing and vulnerability will surely be her greatest legacy. A purpose she may not have never imagined.

She is simply the friend we all wish we had.

Here are the references from our second episode with Jill Sornson Kurtz:

Scott Belsky – Making Ideas Happen

Simon Sinek – Start with Why

We read from Mary Oliver’s poem – Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches?

We talked about the urgency behind her line – “Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?”

“What one does is what counts. Not what one has the intention of doing” – Pablo Picasso

“Attention is the beginning of devotion. … If the attention of humans can be so easily filched by a machine—or, more precisely, the companies that operate those machines—then it follows that the capacity for devotion is damaged along the way.” – Mary Oliver

Benediction:

May we all set an intention that takes our passion, our talent, our ability and serves the world. And may we all find the discipline to pursue that intention with consistency and rigor.

The world needs that, now more than ever.