First, I wanted to thank everyone for the amazing response to Episode 01 – what a dynamic conversation with my dear friend Ian Scherling. If you missed it – give it a listen, I think it is worth your time. Pay attention to the part where Ian talks about the “library of associations” – that has stuck with me.
Next up is Jill Sornson Kurtz and her lesson “Intention Requires Rigor”. A lesson that feels like the life-long exercise and daily commitment to work/ life balance.
The idea of “intention” immediately reminds me of something that has been marinating in my head for some time – pay attention to what you pay attention to – in other words that our intention requires attention – which could be a derivation of Jill’s wisdom.
Intention is defined as “one’s purpose, objective or plan, a a design or desire for a particular purpose or end” We know this is true right? If we set our minds to accomplish something in whatever capacity – a goal for work, our families, our kids – this is an intention. To say it another way, the best way to determine what you intend to do is to notice what you tend to do. Our default response to life can only be changed by a direct, purposeful and consistent set of actions. A review like this is an “about face” for one’s life. A long look at ourselves and being constructively critical about what we want to do and what we actually do about it.
A detailed inventory of our defaults and actions can come introspectively or with a trusted partner. How do you experience me? is a powerful question to ask someone. Be ready for that answer – it may be tough to hear. However, this can be very productive way to discern a new intention.
Have you ever read something that struck you like this. A sentence or idea so powerful that you had to put your book down. You had to think and sit with a notion that directly spoke into your life and how you live it? In my reading, I often underline and write in the margins or make notes to myself for future reading. But sometimes I read something so moving that I write “whoa”. When I write “whoa” that usually means I had to put the book down. I had to memorize something and tattoo it on my soul. When I read “10 Poems that set you free” a wonderful collection of poems and explanations by Roger Housden, I first met Mary Oliver’s work and her life-changing “whoa” poem “Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches?“ There is a line in there that moved me so deeply that resonates fully with Jill’s proposed lesson.
“Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?…
Wow – the tenderness in “Listen”, the idea of breathing little or shallow – could mean breathing too fast or too slow, but the idea is that your current state of respiration is missing something, missing your great and noble task – living life well.
This brings us back to the idea of intention. That we need a “whoa” moment in reading or advice or life to teach us to find more meaning, to find more resonance with our world. This may be through your family, your friends, or your career. Whatever the relationship is – be more fully open to what it has for you. To have an intention far exceeds a goal – it is an ambition with passion and purpose behind it.
The other half of the lesson that is compelling to pull apart for a moment is the idea of “rigor”. Rigor is the quality of being extremely thorough, exhaustive, or accurate. A severity or strictness” In other words – rigor is consistency. Even the best of intentions can be valuable, but only the work that is behind it are measured and important. Picasso said:
“What one does is what counts. Not what one had the intention of doing.”
That is rigor – the daily practice of noticing our actions and pivoting toward what we know is right. It is the immense daily effort required to put cake behind the icing. The grit and persistence needed to put us in a seat, on a bike, on a run, in a prayer, with a pen, etc – the daily effort that not only serves you, but opens up space for others.
Here are some questions to consider….
- Do you wake up early to find quiet time for prayer/ meditation so you can focus on your kids?
- Do you stay up late to work so you can eat dinner with your family?
- Do you put your phone down so you can have a conversation with your spouse?
- Do you lead with questions so someone else can share how they are doing?
- Do you observe your actions and responses and commit to constant recalibration, consistent change?
- Are you open enough to hear how you are actually doing and commit to change with daily practice?
Intention requires rigor because if it were up to us we would never do anything that was hard. We would prefer to coast and move through life with ease, not friction. But perhaps the greatest teaching this lesson offers us is that if we find our selves in an unbreakable routine, a series of habits that we don’t like about ourselves. We can change, but it requires an intention – stating it with purpose – and rigor – the consistent set of actions that lead toward change.
As a person of faith, this observation of life’s necessary intention often comes through moments of silence and prayer. A time to find illumination of my actions and allow God to search me and empty out my selfishness. To be reminded that we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works that God has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. – Eph. 2:10. That is a much larger view of life not driven by menial goals or temporary satisfaction, but by relentless love and an enduring legacy.
