“Pay attention to what you pay attention to” – Amy Krouse Rosenthal
I heard this quote referenced by one of my favorite authors to follow – Austin Kleon. Now, this idea has been following me around all week – what do I pay attention to? Work? Family? Relationships? Faith? Finances? Health?
I guess one could assume we all wrestle with each facet of life in varying degrees. Maybe a season where one lever is pulled and another pushed. One lever stays in neutral and another goes forward or even in reverse. This is the balance of life – and if we’re not careful we can let other’s view of “our performance” to influence how we see ourselves.
These are the questions that I am paying the most attention to:
- Am I growing professionally?
- Will I be remembered?
- Is my work life balanced?
- How am I parenting my kids?
- Am I a supportive and loving husband?
- How can I be a great friend?
- Am I there for my parents and sister?
That’s a lot.
Too much in fact.
What if we could view my professional and personal life differently? What if they were not a list of questions illuminating adequacy, but a list of opportunities to change the narrative.
Gary Hildebrand is one of my favorite design voices, writers, and landscape architects. Few people speak and write more poetically about the design process and poetics of place. He wrote this canonical essay “On Seeing” which offers some insight “…we are conscious of preoccupations that focus our attention and bring satisfaction and constant challenge.”
Hildebrand’s relentless optimism is a constant source of inspiration. Because, if we were honest, that which we pay attention to – is often negative and focuses on our deep insecurities. Hildebrand changes the narrative by changing our perception – our preoccupations (what we pay attention to) – help us focus and see our innate challenges. When we face them and take action we grow and find satisfaction.
I love that.
So here’s the lesson – what we pay attention to is the narrative we understand about ourselves. This is our story being revealed to us as we write it. What would happen if we changed the narrative from what I am not doing to what I am doing well?
What would happen if we began to intensify our focus on what we pay attention to – and made it a priority for personal growth. Here’s an example:
we notice – I don’t talk to my family enough.
a change – call or text them at the same time each week
we notice – I am not experiencing good work/life balance
a change – Could I leave earlier to spend time with kids and work a little later tonight?
The thing I am learning is that the narrative I often hear is one of negativity and inadequacy – I am never enough. If we aren’t careful we can become the victim of the lives that have been imposed upon us.
Sad right?
All of this is not true of course, but often our perception of our circumstances. Stating the things we pay attention, our preoccupations, and focusing on how we could do live them differently is a powerful proposition. I believe we could review the stories we tell ourselves and critique the narrative, and even change it. One small move at a time – leaving nothing out. We might start to see ourselves more accurately, as our kids, family, and friends experience us. As people who are loving and loyal, driven and determined- trying to do life the best they can – changing one narrative at a time.